Why Am I a Man Part 1: Walt Disney

First of all, I think a healthy and interesting way of dealing with my gender identity is to go through all the reasons why I think I fit more into the male side of the spectrum. I think doing a series on these reasons could be beneficial to me, or anyone else who is questioning their identity who does not fit into the stereotypical trans* narrative of "I've always known I was a boy (or girl)". I don't know how often I'll be posting in this series, I'll just write whenever I feel like addressing a certain issue or whenever I remember something that I think would be of interest.

The other day in my taxation class our professor started talking about how she thinks people born and bred in Orlando are weird. She met someone from Orlando, and the first thing that person said was "Hi, I am Jill. What's your favorite Disney character?" A little later, a girl had asked a question about the material, and as my professor finished giving the answer, she asked the girl "so, what's your favorite Disney character?" jokingly; the girl answered Bell from The Beauty & The Beast.

That got me thinking about Disney movies. Of course while Disney isn't the determining factor in gender, I realized then that I didn't really have a favorite character... I know Bell was my older sister's favorite character, and that made me remember a conversation we had as a child. She told me her favorite scene in that movie was the scene where Bell and the Beast were dancing and being all romantic, and I replied that my favorite scene was the fight scene between Beast and that guy who wanted Bell. I distinctly remember her saying that I always like the fight scenes.

 

I think the closest to a favorite character I would have would be some of the villains. I think I've always been a bit attracted to the evil characters. I remember thinking that the evil witch Maleficent in the Sleeping Beauty was a complete babe, and the Queen in Snow White was more beautiful than Snow White herself.

 

 



 

While a part of me did enjoy dressing up in these beautiful frilly dresses that my grandmother sewed for me, I never felt like I wanted to be a princess like Bell. Sometimes I thought that would be a good idea, maybe because I'd get to live in a castle and have people fight over me all day, or maybe because my name means princess so therefore I should want to be a princess. But, I really always wanted to be the prince. I love girls who are like princesses, I want to be the knight who goes and rescues them after I valiantly fight off the forces of evil. I am sure that is partially what attracted me to a career in law enforcement -- I just want to save the women.

 

I think the closest to any female Disney character I ever felt was Pocahontas. She was brave, strong, independent, and she is the one who rescued John Smith in the end. She wasn't like the other girls in Disney movies, and that is something that I could relate with.

 

Not identifying with Disney characters like many of the girls I know isn't the full reason why I am male, but I think it is an interesting way of seeing how I thought of myself as a child. At that age, I didn't have the vocabulary or life experience to know what trans is. I also did not understand the difference between sex and gender. Knowing who I wanted to be like though gives me a glimpse into my younger self's mind, and shows me that I didn't feel like my sister and that I felt more like the men who I saw in these movies.

 

Edit: I also remember liking the animal movies more than the human movies. I think I identified with Simba from The Lion King, but like the other movies, my favorite scene was the fight scenes.