I've always had this desire to go off the grid. When I was a little kid, maybe around 7 or so, my Mama (pronouced "ma'm ma") would videotape shows off of the Disney channel and mail them to my sister and I since we didn't have Cable. I remember vividly seeing the commercial for the movie White Fang and being fascinated with it. I didn't see the movie until years later, but I always loved that commercial. In middle school, I got a book of Jack London's stories about Alaska, and even though I had trouble understanding his writing and noticing all the inner meanings, I was just so fascinated with the concept of going to a place far away, that was completely new to our people, and finding your place in it.
I have wanted to go to Alaska ever since. I stilll want to go, maybe not live there since I have developed an aversion to cold weather, but I want to go somewhere far away from where I live now, and be out in the wilderness, but somewhat near a small town where I can get supplies and interact with society.
I've been feeling that more and more lately, Alaska. Alaska isn't just a state to me, it's a mindset, and even that's not right, it's beyond words for me. I've been dreaming of New Mexico, or Wyoming.
I love law school, and the way they teach you there has really opened my mind and taught me to think in better ways. I don't regret going to law school, I am glad that I am there. Though, I know I don't want to be a lawyer forever. Or even an activist doing pro bono work for the poor. I think so much of the law, and even pro bono, is concerned with such petty stuff, and even helps to perpertrate injustices and supports immoral systems. I'll practice law for some time, because I do need to pay off these student loans, but I'll be planning my getaway. I think having a law license is a very valuable thing that can help people in need, so I don't think I'd ever get rid of my license, and I would help people who I knew needed my help and who I cared about, but I don't want to work in a firm forever or do law full time for the rest of my working life.
I want something simplier, and that brings people together. Like pottery. I loved taking pottery classes, and only had to stop when the shop I took lessons at shut down. I've always been creative, I am not saying I am any good at art, but I've always enjoyed art. I wanted to be an artist, but had self-doubts and didn't pursue art school. My dream has been to go out west and live in a little tiny house off in the middle of nowhere and just mind my business. Take care of a garden, maybe some animals, and then spend the rest of my little free time making stuff. I don't even want a TV (don't have one now actually), or really even care much about the internet, even though it is helpful at finding out answer to questions (like, why is my plant dying?) and facillitating conversation. I'd be fine and happy doing my own thing, on my own, near a little town, maybe going to the city for some more culture and diversity every so often.
That's my problem with small towns though, is the lack of cultural diversity. I love experiencing different cultures, hearing different languages, and learning about different people. I live in a small town now and feel stifled by the small mindedness of some of the people here. That's why I love cities though, and enjoying spending my time in Bos and Prov. But, my life is a contradiction that I've grown used to and have accepted. Haha, I am a female and yet a man, right?
Whether I am a rural person or a city person, I am agreeing more and more with Russell Means here (though I don't agree with 100% of everything he says here, like I think vaccines are a nice thing for the most part). America as a whole is turning into a prison camp, and I don't want to be part of making it a bigger camp. I've been trying to go more "local" lately and be more conscious about what brands I buy in these big box stores that are hard to avoid. I am not perfect, but just trying to take one small step at a time in the right direction. Okay, sorry for the random tangent, I get like this sometimes. I just get this longing to go beyond the greed that I see in daily life, and I am tired of feeling like a commodity that different corporations are fighting over.
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