"No Friend, No Enemy"

I really enjoyed this article "No Friend, No Enemy" by Ek Ong Kaar Kaur over at SikhNet, found here. It really helps explain how we need to remember that the world doesn't revolve around us, and to focus on people's actions by asking questions about them, not about ourselves.

The mind has a tendency to look at everything from the vantage point of “me,” to interpret everything in a very personal way. But any relationship – positive or negative – needs a little perspective. Guru Arjan talks a lot about pride in the 12th Ashtapadiof Sukhmani Sahib. There is an aspect of pride in seeing someone as “my” friend or “my” enemy. When we look at people solely using our egos as the reference point, it can be difficult to keep a vaster view.

But the truth is that people in our lives – friends, family members, community members, enemies – act in a lot of ways that have nothing to do with the “me” at all. They are acting as they are, for their purposes, in accordance with their understanding. It’s not personal. When we train the mind to drop the filter of “me,” it gives the mind more breadth and dimension to deal with the complexity of human relationships.
 

I think this can also be important to remember for trans people coming out. I remember talking to an FTM at this FTM meeting I went to, and he said that most people he came out to didn't really care because they're just so focused on their own life, they don't really think about you that much. I haven't come out yet, but it seems like really close family members like parents would care a lot, because your lives are so connected, but the further out you go, the less likely it is that people really care all that much. It seems like some people get really worried about coming out, only to find out that quite a bit of people couldn't really care less. Sure, you might be the topic of gossip for a bit, but life moves on and people have other things to think about than you.